Where is your focus?
In last week’s blog “Are you listening” we discussed the power of words. Did you listen to yourself and the words you used? Did you happen to listen to the words you spoke to those closets to you? The ones you love the most?
I have been shocked over and over as I listen to they way people speak to their spouse, children, parents and other loved one’s in public. The nasty words, the demeaning and humiliating statements, the venomous tone is horrifying. They speak to complete strangers with more respect than those they are “supposed to” love and cherish.
Why does this happen? The expression "familiarity breeds contempt" is all too familiar. Yet, as the case with many common sayings, we should look at whether or not it truly makes sense. When we don't examine these beliefs they tend to become self-fulfilling prophecies.
Ordinarily, the expression "familiarity breeds contempt" refers to what often happens in long-standing relationships and marriages. Regrettably, over time too may relationships begin to see their happiness fade and die. Yet, the question remains: is it actually familiarity that causes this disappointment? I say NO!
My overused mantra is “you get what you focus on”. This is a universal truth and over the next 100 days I am going to prove that truth to you. I am blessed to have a wonderful relationship with my husband. Not because I am lucky or we are perfect, but because we have made a pact with each other to always focus on the good things we fell in love with. Early in our relationship we set the stage for falling in love with a soft kiss, an appreciative hug or the simple feeling of being cherished. While those feelings were still new, I made a list on a yellow sticky note of the top 10 things I loved about my man and taped it to the bottom of my dresser drawer. And I have made sure over our years together, to keep that list is the focus of my attention.
When you have a stressful day and “expect” a to come home to a calm house with dinner ready only to walk in to chaos and cereal, it to is much too easy vent your frustrations out on your family. After all, you HAVE to be nice to your clients and co-workers. But, with the person you love, you are free to take every bad thing that happened that day and morph it into something is somehow is their fault. Well that sets the tone for a “lovely” evening doesn’t it?
Instead, what I do when I get home after a long day with unmet “expectations” is to give him a little kiss and quickly go look at my “list”. Somehow doing chores or feeding me was not on that list. This small act gives me a moment to reset and remember all the wonderful things I fell in love with about him. Instead of harsh words or the “no, nothing is wrong” treatment I go back to the behavior of a woman in love – soft kiss, loving touch, kind words – and the whole tone of our relationship reverts back to the early glow of love and respect.
So - my challenge to you for the next 100 days is this:
1. Buy a small notebook or journal.
2. Secretly write one thing each day you appreciate about your spouse or loved one.
3. Even on the worst day, find one thing you appreciate.
4. During this 100 days, when you feel unkind or angry toward them, read an entry or two that you have made and focus on that instead.
5. On day 99, make a list of the top 10 things you appreciate about your person. It should be easy to pick 10 when you have 99!
6. Tape that list somewhere that you can easily access it.
7. At then end of 100 days (which, if you start now, should be close to Christmas) give them your journal or notebook.
8. Read your list often and see how, when you focus on the amazing creature you fell in love with, your relationship keeps the glow of love and respect.
Until next week
August 31, 2017
Join me every Wednesday on my podcast “Unlocking the Secret to Living Rich”.
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Who is Cindy Brown? Cindy is a CPA, MBA, CFO, board member of public and private companies, business consultant, entrepreneur coach and a foremost expert in the
field of financial mastery. Cindy’s purpose is to motivate, educate and inspire people to
live their richest life. Host “Unlocking the Secret to Living Rich”.